steady there

thankful

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:48:00 +0000

"Ordinary riches can be stolen: real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you". -Oscar Wilde

what are the real riches in a persons life? in my life they are my family and my friends. those are things i cannot live without. each day is a gift, each day should be cherished as best as it can be. i am so thankful to be part of the often crazy, unpredictable, and delightfully fun family that i have.

my parents are great, though we have often not seen eye to eye, they stand by me, and we get through any of the tough stuff. my brother is brilliant, i couldn't be prouder to be his sister. we've had our fair share of tough breaks, but we have managed to come out with a better understanding of one another (though there are times we both probably still scratch our heads at one another).

my husband, i love him. truly feel like he and i can do anything. we battle also (gee, see a theme here?) but we always come out trying to find the best in one another. we've gone through a lot and we probably still have more to go through, but together we can get through it. my daughter, how fortunate, grateful, dare i use the word blessed i am in being her mommy. she has shaped me in ways i am still figuring out. teaching me things on a daily basis, seeing the world through a new set of eyes. she embraced me as her own and for that i am forever grateful.

i try to do my best by her, by all my family and each day i get a chance to make things better than the last. i'm still learning, i'm still trying. i love them all so much though and i just hope they know how much they all mean to me.

and so it goes

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:42:00 +0000

if a day didn't contain at least one headache, i would think i had died. still dealing with sinus issues even after my big surgery in the spring. things aren't as bad as they were last fall, but i'm still semi-miserable on a daily basis. if its not headache, its face pain and really i could go without either. today i have a sinus-ct schedule and tomorrow i get to find out how bad things have gotten again. the polyps are growing back, more on the right now than the left. possibility of another surgery. i'm freaked out of my mind but not really sharing that with anyone. most of its due to money and the other part is i hate coming out of anesthesia. its awful. oh then there is the recovery time when i had to blow my nose after a sinus rinse and i thought my brain was coming out. yeah, pretty gross. we'll find out tomorrow what the future holds. i also have to start a prescription of cipro to help with whatever infection may still be lingering. fun times, let me tell you.

so it goes, another day.. another headache (currently going on for hours), teeth pain, and a meeting in 20 minutes...

however, despite all of this crap.. there is one amazing thing that happened today.. my husband got a well deserved promotion at work!!!! i'm so unbelievably happy for him. he deserved this so much, he's worked so hard for this company for the last 5 years, and he will truly kick butt at it. i know it will mean more work for him but i'll support him like i always have and cheer him on! congrats, my love!!!

fall feeling

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:05:00 +0000

of course this is a random post, of course i didn't keep my bargain of posting more often. why? because i let everything easily fall back into the same routine and seems changing it is the hardest thing EVER. its been quite awhile since i put pen to blog or something like that.

life has been treating us well lately though. its been a rough financial few months, but we'll get through it. life is good, everyone is healthy, and we've got a roof over our head. honestly, i can't ask for more. well i can, but that's just greedy.

the other day people were complaining about the weather and i had the urge to reach around and smack them. this is my favorite time of year. the colors in the sky, on the ground as the leaves fall, the chill in the air. i'm my happiest (and most stressed) at this time of year. the fact the a/c is off, the heat is as well makes me smile and curl up on the couch with a blanket and tea. the sun has been shining strong the last couple of days and its just added to the brilliance that are the fall colors.

i have to get back to being creative. i have started knitting again, but haven't touched my project in about a week. i am going to pick the needles back up tonight while watching "its the great pumpkin, charlie brown" with my family. i love peanuts :)

that's it for now, a quicky post to remind myself to post.

Meh

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:13:00 +0000

its how i feel today. just meh. i'm not sure why. just having one of those off days. i really want to leave the office and i will be shortly, its been a slow day and that hasn't helped the meh's at all. i don't know what brings them on, but once they are in its hard to shake them. i'm hoping the weekend brings a relief to the meh's, i have plenty of projects i need to work on and i think if i get something accomplished it will help a lot. we'll see. have a good weekend whoever may be reading this blog. you know, all one of you.

just another day

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 15:37:00 +0000

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain

the rain was nice last night. when it hits our chimney it makes this bing/ting sound that i just love and could fall asleep too. i can't hear it in our bedroom but could just sleep on the couch but i don't think john would like that. i hope that with the new roof that is coming and cleaned out gutters and rehung gutters, that maybe the front porch might not flood like it does now and i can go out and enjoy the rain. one day i hope to get a nice patio set out there, something comfy to enjoy the rain and all the other days.

the husband-guy is now goatee-less after a mishap with his trimmer. the guard wonked out and he ended up with this strip underneath his chin that was just not going to be salvageable so out came the razor and a 15 year old stepped out of the shower. i kid. he always looks so young when he's facial hairless. the kid saw him this morning and she got all weird. she gets used to it (he's shaved maybe twice) but in the beginning she's all odd about it. i can't even explain. i'll have to take a picture of him tonight with her, i like getting these shots so you can see their similarities more.

work has been pretty steady this week. it slowed down yesterday and this morning is quiet so far. i predict it will be insane next week though.

this weekend i hope to visit some garage sales, work on cleaning up a dresser i found for the kid, and placing this cabinet in the garage we got for free from a colleague. our garage is a mess again after husband-guy got his new riding lawnmower beast. that's my nickname for it. the garage is also a mess from my little spray painting projects, too. i need to work on some of that this weekend as well.

okay well this is my update for today =)

Slave to the Grind

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 20:43:00 +0000

there is something to be said for a routine. its nice when all your ducks are in a row, when you know exactly what you should be doing. however, lately i'm sick of my ducks and want someone else to put them in a row for me.

i feel like everyday is the same with only slight adjustments. i feel like all i do is pick up after other people and no one picks up after me or themselves. i get tired of schlepping shoes to the front door, picking up game controllers, books, or random socks day to day. i get tired of waking up and having to do this, that, and the other before i can even think about doing something for me. i hate having to clean constantly to keep the house looking decent. perhaps this is why after my two day cleaning spree for the husbands birthday party, i've ceased doing anything. the sink is piled with dishes because i have zero desire to unload the dishwasher. the laundry room is piled high with loads to wash, dry, and put away. i'm sick of it. i went through this feeling a few weeks ago, it passed briefly but wow is it back with a vengeance.

i want someone else to be responsible for doing the dishes after i cook dinner, or even when i don't. i want someone else to worry about the laundry some days. i just want to stop wishing and want it to be a reality that i don't have to do it alone.

i am so tired when i get home from work that i have no desire to keep on going, but i have to. i have no choice. well i guess i do, but then the whole house, kit and kaboodle go to the crapper.

so tonight i can look forward to laundry, dishes, and probably some vacuuming!

the bud is bursting

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:36:00 +0000

a post by another friend reminded me i needed to update this blog. i've not abandonded it, but not even knowing if i have any one reading it doesn't help give me the drive to post often!

this summer has been busy but then again it was much of the same - work, summer camp, chores, sleep. oh yea and a couple lake trips thrown in for good measure.

life came full circle back to the regular scheduled programming yesterday when the kid started third grade. OMG. third grade. seriously? i remember when she started kindergarten and wanted to keep her small forever. she's grown by leaps and freaking bounds, we couldn't be prouder of who she is turning out to be.

oh how she grows

First day of Kindergarten August 2006

she grew so much during that first year of school.. it amazes me even now how she just caught on to everything, i remember the first time she learned to read her first book (elmo sneezes), how she just loved school and was so lit up inside.

First day of First Grade August 2007

then came first grade where her appetite for books soared, where she was still so excited about learning and school and proclaimed math her favorite subject.

First Day of Second Grade August 2008

second grade came with a quickness i wasn't ready for. she had grown so much in so many ways. still with an appetite for knowledge, devouring books left and right, and hating whenever she had to miss a day.

since school got out she couldn't wait to get back. we've been counting down the days and everyday at least twice (today it was 4 times) she laments how she wishes tomorrow she could go to school. she was so happy to be able to go to school when she got enrolled, just for that brief 15 minutes.

i can't wait to take her picture on the first day and look back at how much she's changed. with all her changes, each year she changes john and i profoundly. what an amazing little girl we've got.

Here she is on the first day of Third Grade:

First day of Third Grade August 2009

it can only get better

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:20:00 +0000

"start your child's day with love and encouragement and end the day the same way" - zig ziglar

backpack chic

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 14:07:00 +0000

i've wanted to write about this for ages. almost daily as i walk from my car to my office, i see students milling around on their way to class and i ponder why they all want to wear their packs halfway down their backs. don't they realize how much strain that puts on their backs? don't they realize how ridiculous it looks? SERIOUSLY when your big ass backpack is hanging down past your ass, don't you think you might want to reevaluate not only that fashion choice, but the physical issues here?

control

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:03:00 +0000

i like control, i crave it most of the time because it makes me comfortable to be the ones with her hands on the reigns. however the control also makes me fucking crazy. once established, it becomes this addiction i have to feed, i have to have it, i have to or i'll die. okay so i won't die, but i'll make myself miserable.

i've been trying to work through this in the last week and let me tell you it is not easy. everyday, almost every thing i do i have to think about whether this is the course of action i want to take. of course its easy to be lazy and not think about it before i do something, speak something, etc.. but i am conscious of trying to lessen the control i feel i have to exert over some areas of my life. however, its hard when i feel like i can only let go so much because whatever control i drop, no one else is going to pick up the reigns. meaning, i may not want to be a clean freak, but if i don't clean no one else is going to.

its just been an interesting time thinking about different things and trying to find a new way out of the old. its a work in progress for sure.

some areas are better than others. the daily battles over stupid things with the kid have lessened and we are seeing a new way of doing things. the morning confrontation is all but gone and that's been a blessing to my mood each day.

i need to keep track of my thoughts a bit better, i need to journal more because i find myself with too much to think about at night and its hard to sleep. i find myself needing to remember why i'm trying to change things, because on the tough days, hard moments, slipping back into what is easy is dangerous.

i'll leave you with this thought for the day...

"When just starting out on a new journey it's only natural to feel vulnerable. After all, it may seem that you have much to lose. But may I remind you that never again, at any other point in the same journey, will you have so much to gain." -- Mike Dooley

summer heat wave

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:35:00 +0000

wow, so its another long stretch that i'm not posting here (for all my 5 readers). what can i say? i got busy? mostly its that i stick a lot to twitter and facebook and that's about it. i'm going to try to get back to regular posts and maybe try to get readership up if i can figure out some good topics to write about.

mostly right now, i'm hating the summer heat. it was bearable at the beginning of the month but now its just miserable. over 100 F daily, it was in the 90's around 9am today. come on! i do not like heat, summer is nice when its still around 80F out, i can handle that, but beyond that i'm toast. crispy, burnt, non-buttered, toast.

this week has been met with headaches, body aches, lethargy, and of course the regular everyday things. today i'm trying to that frown upside down, but realizing tomorrow i have to trek into the city for a meeting that i don't want to have, in heat, probably dressed up, is just no bueno in my world. i'm apathetic about some things at this point and its really hard to dig deep and give it my all.

i will say that i'm loving my new iphone 3gs. i had a first gen iphone and when the new one came out i decided it was time to upgrade. so far i'm loving it, except you have to be mindful of the battery life. it goes quicker or maybe i'm just using it more? who knows. i love it. tomorrow i'm going to the apple store to get a case for it before i crap the holy hell out of it.

looks like its time for a drink refill so i'll just end this post with a shout out to my brother who i'm sure is hotter than me right now, living it up in Austin, Tx. his wife joins him on saturday an i know he couldn't be more excited!

wow

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 15 May 2009 18:10:00 +0000

i hadn't realized how long it had been since i posted, almost two months. geesh! i don't even have time now to post anything of substance. things have been CRAZY busy lately and i'm trying to get a handle on everything. i admit i can't do everything and i don't even want to but i just keep trying to get things done anyway.

this weekend my little brother graduates from law school and the next day he moves to austin, tx. i'm going to miss the hell out of him. i was glad to spend a few hours with him yesterday while he got a new tattoo - its amazing.

the weekend will be filled with celebrating the hell out of him and being around family. it should be good!

must get back to the grind and try to get out of here early so i can enjoy some of this GORGEOUS weather!!

the all powerful oz

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:26:00 +0000

have you ever witnessed something and wished you could get the inside scoop? ever wondered about the neighbors down the way and what is really going on behind closed doors? ever wished you could be the fly on the wall during a meeting?

i was thinking about this today as i reflected on a situation in our neighborhood. i won't go into detail, but i was thinking about how many days a kid could be absent before things turned bad for them at school and what is really going on with that family.

if i had a super power, it might be to be able to be that fly on the wall or just give over and be omnipotent - to know all. that would be a very powerful and dangerous super power to have, but one i think i'd have fun with (if not feel a bit cheeky about). i'm very curious by nature, have been since i was a young child and that makes my imagination and my sleuthing kick into overdrive sometimes. i admit i get a rush when i find something out about someone (that they didn't want you to know), but i also feel ashamed i'm doing this, but i just can't help it, sometimes its just too easy to find things out especially with regards to the internet. my friend amy recently stated that if you put it out there, well them you have no right to complain about someone finding something out.

i really wish i could know what is going on down the street with this family, i wish i could know what is going on in regards to a few faux-friendships, and well, there are other things i'd like to know, but i can't give away all my secrets now can i? =)

cha cha changes

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 12:52:00 +0000

coming soon there is going to be a big change in my family. my younger brother is going to graduate from OU law school in May and then he's going to be moving. moving away. moving to another state. he's going to be switching allegiance (just kidding) and moving with his wife to austin, texas. they love austin and are down there i think about every couple of months to see concerts. my brother is leaving a few days after graduation to embark on classes and studies for taking the texas state bar exam. this is an amazing achievement, this graduating law school. my brother had some rough patches several years ago and to see how he's grown, changed, and become this amazingly educated, strong, exceptional man makes me swell with pride to call him brother.

our relationship has had its ups and downs. i'm grateful for his patience, love, and no matter what i do, he always seems to be there for me in the end. although it will have some physical distance, we can still manage to continue fostering a great relationship. i love him and am so proud of him.

the changes his moving will bring about not only affect me, but my parents. this is the first time our family will not have lived in the same state and within an hour of each other. first time ever. EVER. we grew up in the military. my father was in the air force so we were all we had most of the time. holidays were not like your typical holidays, we generally just had us or if we were really lucky a relative or two would come to see us (in germany, england, north dakota). i don't know how holidays will work from here on out, i'm sure they will change and that will be tough i know on my parents. my mom has finally softened to the idea that her son is moving away. i am glad that she's finally coming around, but i know how in her heart its probably breaking just a little. she's never had her kids live away from her. the farthest my brother and i have both lived was 45 minutes to an hour away up in the city. this was still local as far as we were concerned. his move to austin is going to take some getting used to, even if i hardly see him now. knowing he is taking classes in town, knowing his apartment is a 20 minute drive away. those are comforting to me.

i do look forward to going to visit him in austin. i've never been there and since he and his wife love it so much, i know that my family will have a great time down there.

i can't wait to see him at commencement getting his law degree. i can't wait to see the look on his face as he's presented with his (temporary) diploma. i can't wait to scream my head off for him. i'm so proud of him. i can't even measure in words or rulers how proud i am of my little brother.

notebook schmotebook

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 12:39:00 +0000

you know (well really you probably don't unless you are allison!), i have a notebook fetish. well really and office supplies fetish, obsession, so much so it borders on insanity. i mean i cannot go into a store without checking out their office supply section. to all those that might want to get me a giftcard to office depot - don't. i have more office supplies than a fortune 500 company could need.

so with all these notebooks that i have, you would think it would be easy for me to whip one out and write down some blog ideas, right? nope. never ceases to amaze me how many things i come up with that i want to write about get lost in my fuzzy mom-wife-me brain. lost forever. never to be stumbled upon again. i will rectify this though by making a pledge to myself that anytime i think of a writing prompt, i will jot it down. if i ever write about those prompts, well.. that's another story altogether!

recap of life

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:07:00 +0000

i've been rather quiet lately. had lots going on. finally had my sinus surgery and have been recovering. the surgery was good, well as good as surgery can be, right? my surgeon said it was the worst case he'd ever seen. it took him over an hour just to see something that looked normal when he went into my sinuses. nice, huh? my entire left side sinus areas were compacted with gunk. he got all that out, cut out polyps that i have growing in all those areas, and put a balloon in my frontal sinus to help widen the sinus space to help with any future issues.

i was under for about 4 hours, then coming out of it i didn't have a great time. i don't do well with anesthesia, it makes me extremely ill and i hate it. i could handle all other aspects of this situation but that. it took me several hours to feeel up to leave the hospital. i left 12 hours after i first checked in. the next few days were rough and now a week and a few days later i'm feeling more normal. i have my second post-op follow-up next week and hopefully things are still healing as well as they are and should be.

i've returned to work, first working from home, then a few half days because i have been exhausted. that seems like its finally fading so i'm well on my way to total normalcy (well as normal as i ever have been!). the pain in my head and face come and go and i suspect they will be present for some time as things heal up. luckily i have pain meds to help me manage.

well that's about all i have for now, just needed to get back to writing something! i'm reading a few books right now - just started "it sucked and then i cried" by heather b. armstrong (otherwise known as dooce). its hilarious and it makes you want to reach out and hug her and every other pregnant woman that has had a hard pregnancy. i'm just into it but so far i'm so glad i got it. i love her writing and she's got a way of telling a story. i'm also finally getting into "team of rivals" about abraham lincoln. all this while i await the arrival of book 8 of the sookie stackhouse series! its out in hardback but i have paperback for the first 7 so i'm waiting for its release next week. also should arrive "my booky wook" by russell brand. i think he's brilliant. the last two books plus "science of good and evil" this one focuses on why people cheat, lie, and gossip. should be a good read considering all the power insanity going on in a certain area of my life.

well i just wanted to get this out and i want to get back to watching "west wing". i love this show. i really love it. my brother lent me the box set and i'm trying to get through the whole set before he graduates from law school in may. i still can't believe my little brother is going to be a lawyer. i'm so effing proud of the man he has grown to be.

well.. back to some west wing, cuddles with puppies, and tasty cup of tea.

pendulum

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:49:00 +0000

sitting here thinking about my motivation and current lack thereof. yesterday i was a ball of energy getting things done (maybe not all the things i should have been getting done, but i was ticking things off my to-do list pretty quickly.

today, complete and utter 180 degree change. i have NO motivation. i don't know if its just continued exhaustion from the daylight savings change, getting my monthly visitor (who is not really monthly as its only come for me twice in the last 4 months - before that it was at least 4-5 years since the red queen rolled into town), or my upcoming surgery next week and i know that i'll be able to be away from work for so many days i may be deliriously happy.

right now all i want to do is curl up and nap. i wore my husbands hoodie to work today because i was freezing and i wanted to be close to him (what is this highschool?). so i'm all comfy, cramping like there is no time for it tomorrow, and really want to nap. come on pain pills, kick in, and then maybe the motivation will return.

*holy crap, my co-workers phone just went off and its SO LOUD THAT IS TOTALLY SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME WHEN IT RANG -- dude, turn your phone down or i dunno, carry it with you in your pocket!!!*

so i think i need to get some crap done..

*ugh, its ringing again.*

okay so my want and desire to be here is quickly leaving me (or has already left). i must figure out how to get some work done and now.

open mouth, insert foot

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:04:00 +0000

i get a little worked up sometimes. okay, all the time. i'm very passionate, very high strung, and well damn if i still don't know how to speak up about something without getting all ruffled and ruffling someone else up.

last night i had one of those conversations that i knew pretty much that i had upset the other person unintentionally. the other person was my granny. we were discussing her health and i got upset when she said she didn't really listen to what the doctor said. i know this about her, she gets shocked and just tunes out. this isn't anything new. i worry about her, wish i could be there to go with her to every doctor appointment, to listen for her, to help her understand, to take care of her. i can't be and i guess that frustration just comes out all wrong and i get onto her about not listening and not taking care of herself. that ends up rolling into other things, things that were not her fault, but i got all bothered about it and she thought i was mad at her (for wanting to come up this weekend and stay the week). it wasn't about that really, i just don't know how to come down off of being upset sometimes and sometimes i ride a bit too high in my saddle.

i'm not mad at granny and love her so much. sometimes i get in this "mother" mode with her when i think she's not taking care of herself and i get all ruffled. i know i shouldn't do that, she's my granny not my kid, but i can't help it. i know she isn't taking the best care of herself but i also know she's going to do what she wants and no one (but my mom - and not always) can tell her anything different.

i knew that she was probably upset but we talked about it last night and part of it was about that and part was about my upcoming surgery and i'm totally starting to freak out about it.

i tend to think i know what's best for my grandmother, but honestly i don't. only she does. she needs to be happy in her heart about life. i know what i think she should do, but its her choice whether to do x or y. i just want her to be happy, healthy, and really enjoying life. she'll be 75 this april and i want her around for many more birthdays. i love her so much.

reconnection

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 03:50:00 +0000

there are times in our lives when people, places, and even things flow away from our grasp. be it with work, family, kids, errands, chores, pta, organization, hobbies or whatnot we all cycle through things. the good thing about this ebb and flow is that things come back into view.

i had such a reconnection with an old friend today. our relationship changed awhile back, shifted from what it had consistently been for quite some time, and then everything else just got in the way of redefining the relationship and maintaining it. the good thing about this friend (and she would say the same about me) is we know that our lives are crazy, that we are messes half the time, and that its okay. we know where the other is and when in desperate need, we know the other will be there. when we have time and can sit down and talk for hours and hours, find the good swing again, that's when its just wonderful and you know all is right with the world. your world.

my mother always said that if you could count the number of friends, good friends, you had one one hand then you were doing pretty well. i've always been able to do this. those friends changed places, moved off the hand, back on, etc.. but i know who they are. i would both walk through fire and jump in front of a bullet for them. i know they would do the same for me. that is what makes them all so wonderful, so close to my heart, such good friends.

life throws so much at us. we are bombarded from the moment we rise with demands, tasks, schedules, and the clock. its nice when we have people in our lives that understand this, give us our space, and reach out when they need to reconnect or we reach out to them.

the golden ticket for me is they are always there. no time, no space cancels that connection. from here to alaska, to texas, to california, to ohio, to england, - those friendships remain. those people are there for me and me for them.

i love my friends. each and everyone on.

unwelcome change, unmotivated girl

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 19:43:00 +0000

i like helping people. i'm a problem solver and when someone comes to me with a problem, i do my best to fix it for them. (i have to note that whenever i hear the phrase 'fix it' my brain immediately wanders to this SNL skit).

i am tasked with a lot of different things in my life, some i like, some i don't, and some i just cannot wrap my brain around. the latter because i have a strong dislike of performing a task, making a change, etc..just because someone thinks its a good idea. good ideas are great, i try to come up with them all the time. the problem lies is when someone thinks their idea is good, when it is not. this is when i get into trouble. i try to give my case, show how this is not a great idea, try to turn things in a different direction, but when someone has their agenda you are not going to stop them.

change for the sake of change is not something i support. i just can't get behind something that really has no real purpose except for making the appearance of changes, to say "look we changed this" when all you did was slap a new font on something. i'm all for change when it benefits something, when you know that you are really going to get something out of it. just to change something because someone thinks up something while in the shower, not my style. especially when that person (or persons) does not really understand (or want to) what it is that i do (or what anyone does for that matter).

so here i am, procrastinating, digging my heels in the dirt, and saying, "I don't wanna!". this is not very smart and does not make me any friends. i don't have the motivation to get this done. i have all the knowledge of what to do, how to do it, but no motivation. i can't get behind something with my all when i see no benefits.

i don't really know the point of this insane rambling, but its just something that i'm dealing with and it weighs on me nightly so maybe tonight i can sleep a bit better just knowing i put some of this out there.

delurk yourself

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:27:00 +0000

i got this idea from the tattooed mama, but i'd like to know who is reading my blog that are not blogger followers..if any!

so if you read my blog, comment NOW!!

festivus for my dad

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 22:23:00 +0000

today is my father's 53rd birthday. he's nursing a broken wrist from falling down during a pick up basketball game with friends. i feel really badly for him that he's having to celebrate his day in such pain. this is no way to celebrate his festivus. we all call it that, the days before and after his birthday. i don't know how long we've been joking about this, but its just become this thing.

tonight our family will gather around him to celebrate what a wonderful man he is. i'm proud of my dad for so many reasons. he's just an amazing person.

happy birthday, daddy! i love you.

an old pic of me and dad from '99

squeezed out of time

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:11:00 +0000

so the whole "goals" thing went by the wayside like two weeks after i tried starting it. i let my life go in full speed more often than it should. as ferris bueller said, 'Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.'

so i need to slow down and chill. that means i need to get back to my goals. this week has been torture on me though - i went from extreme high of finally feeling like i've found a better direction at work to crashing down around me today after an impromptu meeting. after that, sinuses attacked, eyes watered, face hurt, and i went home. the two things i wanted to accomplish (my two classes) did not happen - once due to ill planning (um, forgot shorts) and today due to the onset of sinus-blah. but those classes are important to me and like many other things, they should be priority.

so i got home, took a minute to recoup, then started thinking more about my priorities. then i started making valentine's with the kid and realized how much i miss doing that stuff with her. we spend so much time during the week just trying to get through the day that we fail in taking time to create, have fun, just laugh. she and i laughed tonight as we created her valentine's box and she drew pictures for family. it was a GOOD night. such a good night that she stayed up an hour late and of course in doing that she is totally wired. what is that about?

so back to goals.. this weekend is going to be about having fun and enjoying my family. that's the goals .. nothing like "do this", "do that". its all about enjoying them. i don't want to miss anything!

you are my sunshine

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 20:16:00 +0000

its such a freaking b-e-a-utiful day outside! being indoors is just WRONG! i'm normally all, "i like the winter" but after the week of hell last week, this is a welcomed changed! its helping my mood tremendously. i'm super organized and raring to go today, but still can't focus on what i should :) i think i'm just uber-giddy so i don't want to be all grumpy with the tasks at hand. yeah, that's my reasoning.

i promise i'm going to get back into my groove and start posting some riveting blogs soon. yeah, they will be award worthy i'm sure ;)

life is good. many plusses today:

+ great night at the movies last night
+ sunshine
+ yum lemonade
+ great mood
+ great good-bye kiss from husband-guy
+ kid has swimming (she LOVES swim days)

i think today should continue on being awesome.

i'm alive

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:25:00 +0000

so i don't think i ever got to post much in the last week or so, if i did i can't remember and right now i'm up to my brains in sick kid and husband to go back and look. i'm taking a minute to just say that sometimes when life is sucky (like now with two loves sick), its still wonderful. wonderful to have my loves, my dogs, my family. to be sheltered in our warm, cozy, but oft-messy house. to be full of tummy, clothed in jammies, and just together.

whenever things get bad, they can always been better when i think of my family. i love them so much, would do anything for them, hate when they are sick, and just grateful that i have this life.

now i'm off to comfort my kiddo and try to make my husband feel better.