unwelcome change, unmotivated girl

i like helping people. i'm a problem solver and when someone comes to me with a problem, i do my best to fix it for them. (i have to note that whenever i hear the phrase 'fix it' my brain immediately wanders to this SNL skit).

i am tasked with a lot of different things in my life, some i like, some i don't, and some i just cannot wrap my brain around. the latter because i have a strong dislike of performing a task, making a change, etc..just because someone thinks its a good idea. good ideas are great, i try to come up with them all the time. the problem lies is when someone thinks their idea is good, when it is not. this is when i get into trouble. i try to give my case, show how this is not a great idea, try to turn things in a different direction, but when someone has their agenda you are not going to stop them.

change for the sake of change is not something i support. i just can't get behind something that really has no real purpose except for making the appearance of changes, to say "look we changed this" when all you did was slap a new font on something. i'm all for change when it benefits something, when you know that you are really going to get something out of it. just to change something because someone thinks up something while in the shower, not my style. especially when that person (or persons) does not really understand (or want to) what it is that i do (or what anyone does for that matter).

so here i am, procrastinating, digging my heels in the dirt, and saying, "I don't wanna!". this is not very smart and does not make me any friends. i don't have the motivation to get this done. i have all the knowledge of what to do, how to do it, but no motivation. i can't get behind something with my all when i see no benefits.

i don't really know the point of this insane rambling, but its just something that i'm dealing with and it weighs on me nightly so maybe tonight i can sleep a bit better just knowing i put some of this out there.